When You Learn to Be Seen For Who You Are, Your Life Falls Together
Happy. Fulfilled. Confident.
Become Confidently Visible and Live a Life You Love
Do you feel like you’re invisible or insignificant? As if you could walk into a room and no one would notice, unless you were caring for them or helping them feel good?
Do people describe you as "Nice" and "Sweet"? Do others get freaked out when you become agitated or angry because it just "Isn't like you"?
Or do you remember what it was like to feel empowered, alive and confident – bur right now you feel like you’ve disappeared and have lost that confident individual you used to be?
Have you experienced being replaced?
That’s how it was for me.
After years of putting everyone before me, and being a chameleon to meet their changing moods and needs, I actually took pride in how well I could be there for others. I convinced myself that I was needed and that this was my life purpose.
It made me feel seen. And validated.
Yet, still, I knew deep down that I was yearning to be seen and valued for who I really was! I wanted my needs to be met and considered important. I used to think that if I treated people like I wanted to be treated, then eventually they will treat me the same way. News flash! Nope!
The tricky thing is that when you are looking to reclaim yourself, you have to stop putting everyone else’s needs before your own and you need to learn how to set and hold boundaries.
Now I know you might already be aware of some of this, but instead of constantly putting yourself down, pushing your needs away and wishing that one day you will be seen for who you are, what if you could discover a more confident you, that is already there, waiting, to take on the world?
My name is Lisa Gabriel.
Life Coach. Mom. Artist. Writer. Computer Geek. Authentic and Evolving Soul.
Gabriel is the name I gave myself. It’s my true identity. And in so many ways the best gift I could have given myself.
You see, almost from the moment I was born, I felt insignificant or unimportant. At least that is the story I adopted about myself.
Ironically, I was adopted. The idea that I was given up, in conjunction with a dysfunctional family dynamic, instilled a belief in me that I needed to earn and prove my love-ability or I would lose that love.
I spent much of my life striving to be good enough and living with the feeling that I could be replaced or rejected at any moment.
My parents loved me, and are good people, but they had their own problems and issues that took precedence over nurturing and parenting. As a result, I learned quickly that others weren’t going to validate me and that I needed to satisfy their needs and live up to their desires to avoid conflict, feel loved and to feel valued.
It is no surprise that I was attracted to men that needed the co-dependent characteristic that I had mastered. Eventually, I married a man who struggled with depression and because I thought it was my role to earn his love and make him happy, I took it on myself to fix him. In the process of keeping my marriage stable, I lost myself by being agreeable, cooperative and "happy". I thought I was the perfect wife and mother. I recall one discussion where my husband accused me of being "inauthentic" and that he didn't trust if I was just going along with his ideas or if I really liked them. That hit me hard! The very thing that I was working so hard at to save my marriage, was ironically, what was going to end my marriage!
You could probably imagine that when our marriage ended, I felt a momentary sense of relief. I felt like a bird released from her cage who now got to see what exactly she really did like and what she really did want. But then, I watched as his life went on exactly as it had before we parted ways. He had the same dinner parties, with the same people. He went on the same vacations, staying at the same places. But instead of me, he was with another woman - a woman who was part of our circle of friends. He went on with his life, as if he was “cured” with me gone. I was watching my version of It’s a Wonderful Life, only everything and everyone was better without me. Even my children seemed happy, because they were now "related" to our friend's children, whom they grew up with. Some common friends tried to stay friends with both of us, but anyone who has been through this, knows that doesn't work very well. Especially when there are parties and holidays and birthdays that are being shared with the ex and your kids, but not with you. Eventually, I couldn't handle the pain anymore and I had to draw a boundary that cost me those friends.
I fell into a dark place. I felt devastated and experienced despair for the first time in my life.
I rushed into a relationship to soothe my pain. This relationship had a new dysfunction that I didn't recognize right away. Plus I was blinded by my desperate desire to be happy and needed and loved again. That relationship was a catalyst for my youngest child to pull away and with the support of my ex, they ceased my custody time. In addition, my youngest child, my daughter, was struggling with her gender identity. While estranged from me for two years, she bravely shared with the world that she felt as if she were meant to be a boy. She changed her name, cut her hair and began to live as a male. It was all I could take! I wanted desperately to be there to support and love and be part of my child's life, especially through this, but he didn't want my support or love at that time. I became a Mama Bear throwing a holy tantrum in a cage trying to get out. But eventually, I collapsed into my life, defeated, depressed and again in a very dark place.
What I didn’t realize at the time, was that this moment was the biggest gift I could ask for. I turned to therapy, then to coaching and realized that my whole life I had been chasing something outside myself just to feel "good enough" – and the time had come to put an end to that story. As soon as I took back control of my life and began peeling back the layers of beliefs and falsehoods that dictated all my past choices, things began to change. I divorced again. I reunited with my youngest son and supported him and cared for him through a major transition surgery. We are closer than I could have ever dreamed possible now. My heart is calm and at peace. I have forgiven others and most importantly, I have forgiven myself. My life is back on a trajectory of my choosing and everyday is exciting as I face new challenges, but with the confidence that it's all perfectly as it should be.
Life coaching was not easy, but it helped me become aware of the story I had been playing out over and over since birth. I realized I can’t fix people. Now, instead, I support others on their own personal journey. I regret nothing from my past. My past is what molded me into who I am today. And I like who I am. Actually, strike that, I LOVE who I am!
And just like you – if I want to find the freedom to live a better life and the life of my dreams, then my responsibility is to me first.
Your job is not to make anyone else happy – that is impossible. You can only make yourself happy. Other's happiness is their responsibility.
As a certified personal development and life coach, my passion is helping others to stop fitting into other people’s storybooks and instead to be the main character in their own story, a story that they write and choose.
Claim your life journey!
Discover my coaching programs and begin with a complimentary discovery call.